“What advice would you give a father to-be?”
My friend and I had come up with so many fabulous things to advise a father to-be, that I had decided to blog about it. Last week’s blog was dedicated to advising the father to-be’s about how to engage better with the pregnancy, this week’s blog is dedicated to advising father’s to-be, to be supportive partners and involved parents.

Part 2: Advice for the Father to-be: Supporting Your Partner and Being an Involved Parent

Babies cry – Yes indeed, babies do cry. It is just as hard on a mother to hear her baby crying as it is on anyone else. It is important to remember that babies aren’t crying on purpose to upset any one. Crying is their only form of communication and really a good way of knowing when they need something or are in discomfort, or in pain. Rather than continuously asking why are they are crying, be supportive by taking a turn and trying out various tactics to sooth them; you may even do a better job!

Just because she’s home doesn’t mean that she’s not working – It’s often a misconception that when a woman is home on mat-leave, she isn’t working. But she is. She is doing one of the most important jobs in the world, taking care of and raising a baby, your baby. That is her main priority and everything else comes second. So, asking her why isn’t the laundry done, the bed made, dinner cooked, etc., is almost silly because that’s not her main task when she is home. If she had an opportunity to clean, cook and do the laundry, then really, that was a bonus. Understanding that we women are doing all we can, and that some days things will just not go according to plan, is probably the best thing a great partner can do (other than, of course, help out with the duties).

She doesn’t know more than you do – She’s the mom, you’re the dad. She may spend more time with the baby, but she doesn’t have all the answers or always knows what to do. Assuming that she should know everything may not be the best way to raise a baby. Fathers are more than capable of doing research and making decisions in regards to their child’s wellbeing, just as well as mothers. You’d be surprised how much better things are when you work together. It gives you an opportunity to be a hands-on parent and overall brings you closer as a family.

She need her sleep too – Just because she isn’t rushing off to work in the morning, does not mean that she is not entitled to sleep. It is not always true that there will be an opportunity to catch up on missed sleep during the day, because not all babies will nap. Being sleep deprived isn’t good for anyone and could lead to bad things such stress, depression and sometimes even illness. Parenting for a father should not end just because it’s night time, being a parent is a 24 hour job, and if you are a working dad that doesn’t see your kid during the day, taking a nightshift may be another great way to spend a precious moment with your child and be supportive to your partner. Setting up good plans for how to share the night duties is a great way to deal with night stress so that neither of you turn into complete zombies during the day.

Having a baby does not mean sex and romance should die – Having and raising a baby is very hard work and can leave you with little sleep, tired, and stressed. It could also be a strain on your relationship. Making time to be a couple is so important because it keeps you together as a team. This is the most vulnerable time in a marriage because it is so much harder to maintain a relationship while keeping up with everything else. Having to plan and schedule things is probably the best way to survive and that includes planning dates and sex. It may not be as romantic and spontaneous, but at least this way you can still maintain your relationship and continue to be a couple, even with children.

Being a mom is exciting, scary, wonderful and overwhelming; being a dad is no different, and being an awesome hands-on parent is just incredible. I wish all Fathers to-be the best of luck in being great at what they do: being supportive to their partners, while raising amazing people!

by Malvina Beker

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